I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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