just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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