My first STD was from a foam party
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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