Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
