I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
