I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
