You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
