Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
