please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
