i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
