Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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