Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
