you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Panties = found
Randomize
