note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
