I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
