maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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