i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
