walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My penis needs a shock collar
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
