omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
