Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
