Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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