So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
