I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
