note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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