i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
