Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
