if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
