just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
