you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
