yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
