I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
