all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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