The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
