Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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