Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
