And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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