i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
