Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
