so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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