My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
