No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
