Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
