there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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