Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
