dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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