Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
