so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
