Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
