Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
