Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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