is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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