as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
