you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
