I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
