Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
