I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
