wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
