He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
