so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
