just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
