Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
