forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
