I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
