It was confusing and full of hummus
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
