I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize