someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
