I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
