I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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