Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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