I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
