Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
