I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
