Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize