we should wear snuggies to the strip club
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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