sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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