so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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