The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
