Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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