We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
