O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and you said cock pushups were impossible
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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