Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize