alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
