he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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