Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
