Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
