This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
