okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
