I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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