the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
