That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
