I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize