You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
