mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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