Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
