Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
