I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
