No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
