Fuck appropriateness.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
