My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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