she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
